


Electricity Boy

by mint_rain



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, AsaNoya - Freeform, Gay, M/M, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Synesthesia, asahi has anxiety, m/m - Freeform, minor daisuga, noya has synesthesia, side daisuga
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-06-01 17:46:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6529873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mint_rain/pseuds/mint_rain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What can I get for you, big guy?"  He asked, and Asahi immediately noticed how the boy looked...  Electric.  His cheeks were red and his eyes were bright, not at all hazed over by the sheen of an alcoholic beverage.  It wouldn't surprise him if all of the colored lights illuminating the walls came straight from his small body.  "Hello?"  He repeated, and snapped Asahi out of his thoughts. He hadn't been staring...  Had he?<br/>-------------------------<br/>IN NEED OF BETA READERS!  comment if interested!  Thanks</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Anxiety Tree

Asahi had lost count of the days he'd spent away from social interactions. The last party he'd been to was definitely long before the beginning of the New Year... and the only things he'd stuck with  at said party were his anxiety and the snack table. Tonight would be no different, he told himself, sitting cramped in the back of Sugawara's Mini Cooper. the passenger seat was always reserved for Daichi, the boyfriend that had stuck with the silver-haired man all through high school and college. Asahi understood why. And at some times he was a little bit jealous of the two men... Not only because he wanted somebody who would save him the passenger seat. He was lonely, and he knew it, but the thought of having a lover, one who he could actually touch and would be  _expected_ to touch, was utterly terrifying.  He knew he'd let them down, and the very expectation of doing so felt like a seed, planted deep down in his gut.  He felt like if he opened his mouth up, that stupid anxiety tree would burst past his tongue and teeth and extend its deceivingly strong limbs all the way down to his feet and trip him up.  Yes, it was a dramatic analogy, but it wasn't as though Asahi's imagination had ever stopped at anything for his sake.

The brunette was tugged out of his thoughts when the tiny car puffed to a stop in front of a large house.  Flashing lights and loud music seeped from the cracks in the window panes, shaking the building to its very core and making Asahi shake just as hard.  He felt the familiar feeling of nauseous discomfort worm up his stomach, climbing his windpipe like Tarzan would climb up a vine, and his breathing was hard, all of a sudden.  He stood on shaky, sleepy limbs, trekking towards the house, and hell, Asahi didn't even know who was hosting the party.  It wasn't as though he'd recognize the name, anyways.  So, with one last look and a tug by the arm, Asahi had to say goodnight to the quiet nighttime air.

Just as he had feared.  music blared, and the brunette was left on his own, stranded by his two best and only friends.  No, the only friend he had now was the snack bar, that of which he couldn't find.  What sort of death trap had he walked into?  Asahi, a man with courage half his height, felt as though he was shrinking in that measurement by the second.   _Stick to the wall_ , he thought,  _remember what you know_.  Being approached, even _noticed_ by anybody drunk and/or loud was not something that he wanted.  And so, slipping along the white walls, the plaster stained now with variously colored speckles of spinning light and God _knows_ what other substances, he made his way past the first room.  

Deep into the second room, Asahi felt as though he'd stepped into another universe.  loud laughing was replaced by soft, comfortable chatter.  Flirty glances were to be seen here and there, granted, but other than that, the room felt like an overcrowded coffee house.  It was comforting...  Sort of.  At least, it wasn't as bad as the first room.  Asahi spotted a bar up towards the back of the room...  And it didn't seem like the only beverage served there was alcoholic.  Maybe he could snag himself a root beer.  The brunette decided that he'd go for it.  Why not take a risk?  It seemed like the calm air was seeping through his skull.  

As Asahi reached the bar, he practically felt the blood seep out of his face at the sight of a bartender.  He'd have to ask for a soda.  With words.  From a person.  A really...  Short person.  Asahi cleared his throat once the smaller man was finished serving other people,  observing silently as he mixed up drinks and swiped tips off of the counter top.  

"What can I get for you, big guy?"  He asked, and Asahi immediately noticed how the boy looked...  Electric.  His cheeks were red and his eyes were bright, not at all hazed over by the sheen of an alcoholic beverage.  It wouldn't surprise him if all of the colored lights illuminating the walls came straight from his small body.  "Hello?"  He repeated, and snapped Asahi out of his thoughts. He hadn't been staring...  Had he? 

"U-Uh...  Could I get a...  Could you...  get me a-a root beer?"  He managed, nearly kicking himself as he was asked to repeat his words.

"You're really quiet for such a big guy!  Can you say that again?"  electricity boy grinned, and made Asahi red with that smile he put off, one that seemed to light up the dark room.

"Do you have any root beer?"  Asahi asked louder, fidgeting with his fingers nervously.

"Yeah," came the reply, dished up beside a playful smile.  Why was he making it so hard for Asahi to just...  Have a soda?

"Um...  Could I-...  Could you give me one please?"  He asked, pulling the hem of his shirt down a little, pouting involuntarily.  

"Of course!  If you tell me your name."  He replied perkily, and Asahi groaned, frowning a little bit more.

"You didn't make anybody else tell you their name," he replied.

"That's because I didn't care what their names were," he replied, laying down the buzzing grin and making Asahi look away.  

"Azumane Asahi," he replied, looking up in the hopes that his soda would be sitting on the counter.  No such luck.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Aren't you gonna ask what  _my_ name is?"

"I..."  Well.  He didn't want to be  _rude_.  And, his mouth was getting dry from all of this talking he had to do.  "What's your name?"  He asked reluctantly.

"Nishinoya Yuu!  But you can call me anything you want," he grinned, and wiggled his eyebrows as he leaned against the bar.  

"What do you prefer?"  The innocently polite words escaped Asahi's mouth before he could stop them.  Nishinoya seemed to be pleased about it, though.

"Call me Noya!  Or Yuu...  Or Nishinoya..  Gosh, I don't care!"  He grinned at Asahi, who returned a tiny smile.  

"I'll call you Noya if you give me my soda," he said, surprised at how easy it was to speak with Nishinoya.

"Okay, okay...  You got me."  he grinned, and Asahi grinned back.  He pulled the soda out from under the counter and set it in front of Asahi.

" _Thank_ you, Noya."  The brunette swore he just saw the chatty man blow a circuit.  Cute.  

Either way, tonight was going to be a long night.  Asahi knew this especially as he felt small fingers grab his wrist and pull him back, turning to the sound of "You're sure you don't want to hang out here for a little while longer?"  Well...  Who was he to say no?


	2. Evergreen Squares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dancing, number exchanging, and asahis mom n dad friends

When Nishinoya first saw the tall, shifty-eyed giant shouldering his way towards the bar, he was expecting someone totally different from the person that he met. The man looked like he sold some sort of illegal substance, his overall air shooting off red polka-dots and lightning bolts. However, he seemed to shy away from people and social interactions altogether. So when the tall man walked over, Nishinoya had expected to play some sort of flirting game, pull him by the collar into the back seat of a cab, fuck him, and never see him again. Asahi looked like the kind of guy that he wouldn't ask the name of. He’d forget, or he wouldn’t need it. But when he was asked for a root beer, voice low and stature timid, Nishinoya had a feeling that his name was one that he wouldn’t want to forget.

-

So now, the booming, orange-flared house was emptying out. Asahi had found himself practically glued to a chair at the makeshift bar, with Nishinoya chatting him up just like he’d had ten cups of coffee. Somewhere along the lines, the worried folds that dented Asahi’s forehead had smoothed out. Nishinoya found the man smiling more, even laughing a little at his jokes, his lips turning up at the sides behind the brunette’s hand. He was _cute_ , getting cuter by the minute, and Nishinoya felt as though there was a current running through his body, bright yellow bolts of lightning and pink swirls danced in the corners of his vision, electricity intensifying by every single laugh line and smile put off by Asahi. The man seemed so… _Reserved_. His heart wasn’t displayed on his sleeve like many other people’s were, locked instead in a cage of metal. As the night went on, the short man found the desire of bending the bars and pulling out what Asahi was afraid to show him into his hands more and more apparent. His colors got brighter and louder, his soft patterns of television static developing into full fledged polka dots, zigzags, swirls smoothly sailing across his field of vision.

It was one in the morning now, and Asahi seemed fully relaxed and open to conversation and even a little bit of physical contact here and there. He’d stopped pulling away when Nishinoya would gently push his arm, or lean in closer to hear him better. The smaller man didn’t think that they were going to kiss tonight, or even hug. He had made a little bit of progress, though. Asahi had shyly let him begin to call him by his first name… Or, rather, Nishinoya had slipped it in, and Asahi hadn’t said anything negative about it. Maybe they’d dance? The songs were getting slower, the mood in the room softer and the people sleepier. The party was dying, but Nishinoya’s pleasant attitude had only just sprung to life.

“Asahi! Do you want to dance with me?” Yuu asked suddenly, once they’d come to the end of some topic revolving about cat and dog people. At first, the look that he received was a little bit hesitant.

“I… I suppose so,” he replied, offering a sheepish smile and a shrug of his shoulders. Nishinoya read the action as “Why not?” Although, it could have been a little bit less passive than that.

Yuu led Asahi out on the dance floor, holding onto his large wrist as he wormed through the sea of drowsy people. Everything seemed hazy blue, navy and slow as indigo zigzags squiggled across his vision. For once, he was at peace. He was ready to be quiet, and just… Enjoy his time with Asahi. Asahi stood uncomfortably in the middle of the dance floor. His eyes shifted visibly from side to side as he checked to see who was watching them. No one was paying attention… But Noya didn’t think that Asahi realized that. He seemed… _Anxious_. Yeah! That was it! Asahi must have some kind of anxiety disorder… Although Nishinoya didn’t really know anything about anxiety disorders, but waiting patiently for Asahi to figure out what he wanted to say seemed to put him at ease. Now, here in the bright light that complimented Asahi’s colors so nicely, he was able to take in every nervous, awkward, _gorgeous_ inch of him. His skin was a perfect, naturally bronzed shade of tan, and he had big, brown eyes that reminded him so much of a doe’s own that it wasn’t even _laughable_ … More along the lines of breathtaking. His lips curved up into a shy smile that made Yuu’s heart do a somersault. Or maybe _seventeen_.

“Are you… Okay?” The quiet words crashed through Nishinoya’s inner monologue, earning a “Huh?” He must have been staring… Great. That star struck look was always such a charmer. _Not_. He felt like such an idiot… Asahi seemed like a fish out of water, but Nishinoya felt like a fish in the _desert_. Parched, sweaty, and dying.

“I’m… I’m good!” Yuu replied, grinning from ear to ear as he bounced up to Asahi. He began to move his hips, grinning up at Asahi and trying to look past those stupid pink and orange splotches in his peripherals and into the brunette’s eyes, reading the awkwardness and obvious uncertainty inside of them. “I’ve got you,” he smiled, and inched a little closer, glancing down at his own beat up sneakers and then up to the man in front of him. “If we’re gonna dance like idiots, let’s dance like idiots together!” He giggled, and reveled in the orange creamsicle swirls caused by the deerlike smile he was awarded with.

“I… I guess so,” he replied, and Nishinoya grabbed his hands, beginning to move slowly in time with the songs. The tall man’s hands were clammy and he looked terribly nervous, sweat practically puddling beneath him. It made Noya grin, repeating the hushed words

“I’ve got you. You’re doing fine, nobody’s watching us.” The brunette seemed to loosen up a little bit more, smiling shakily and laughing a tiny bit. _God_ … How was it possible to be this cute?

Eventually, Asahi had started agreeing to sillier dance moves; especially as he bent down, letting Nishinoya spin him around and making the tall man giggle. They ended up closer, laughing and holding hands and swirling around. It seemed like it took Asahi a little while to get used to things in general, so it was definitely important that Yuu went slower with him and didn’t try to push him as much. The short man was proud of himself for figuring this tiny bit of Asahi out, even if it was only a little bit. He was pleased, and he smiled as little green circles dotted his vision at the emotion. The tall brunette was making him feel better and better by the minute… So much that he didn’t notice the two men who smiled like proud parents, leaning against a wall in the corner and eyeing Asahi as he danced.

-

Sugawara and Daichi had been doing some sort of shameless dirty dancing on their own in the louder room next door, deciding to wander through the house to find their tall and sweaty friend. The last thing that they had expected was to find him actually having a good time, not to mention opening up to a stranger on his own accord. But… Asahi was having a good time, obviously. They’d known him long enough to realize that the soft smile and the quiet look of captivation in his eyes always meant something good, and very rare. Asahi seemed to feel… Safe around whomever this other man was. And though Sugawara and Daichi worried about them beneath their skin, instinctively of course, they were happy for their friend. He seemed to have found someone who really struck the right chord with him, and… Pulled him into a dip? And did Asahi just _laugh_? Who _was_ this man, and what sort of god was he? Sugawara and Daichi exchanged looks, their expressions matching like tightly knit couple’s faces often did. Their eyes filled with slight worry, and definite mystification, while their lips tilted upwards a little bit in slight smiles. They wanted to know more about whoever this guy was… Especially out of worry that he was luring their friend in with a sweet face. The only thing Asahi would be leaving with that had anything to do with this short man would be his phone number.

Asahi’s cheeks were flushed and his lips hurt from smiling so much. The typically refined gaze that usually filled his eyes had left him, replaced by something new and excited. The room was almost empty, and the songs had stopped playing. Nishinoya’s eyes were filled with excited zigzags and evergreen colored squares, an indication of his buzzing excitement as he waited for Asahi to catch his breath—and his train of thought.

“So… Did you have any fun? You looked _super nervous_ when we started to dance!!” He grinned, and craned his neck a little, placing his fists on his hips and staring up at Asahi, already expecting the wide-eyed look that said something like “ _you caught me off guard_.” Asahi wasn’t all that hard to read.

“I… Yeah, I guess that I did have some fun…” He said softly and considerately, smiling a little bit breathlessly and placing his hands behind his back.

“Do you think that you wanna see me again?” Nishinoya asked bluntly, smiling widely at the timid nod that he received.

“Yeah, I do…” Asahi replied, still quiet and obviously a little bit shy. Noya grinned at this, feeling like he’d just won an award.

“Do you want to ask for my number? Maybe we could text?” He watched Asahi’s face drain a little bit. Uh oh… Had he hit something bad? He really hoped that he hadn’t messed up… He was too good at that for his own sake.

“I… Well, I want to, but I’m… I’m sort of bad at texting people first…” He offered a tiny smile, obviously hoping that Nishinoya would get it. Oh… _The anxiety_.

“Hey! That’s fine! Give me your number and I’ll text you first!” He grinned, earning a shy and very relieved smile. “Yeah, okay…” Asahi replied softly, taking Nishinoya’s phone after he’d dug around for it in his pocket. He entered his number, sending himself an easy “123” before putting his name into the phone and handing it back with shaky hands. Yuu found it sort of comical that Asahi’s fingers were a little bit too big for the keyboard, so he took a short while to complete the transaction.

“Uh… I’m gonna go and find my… My friends,” Asahi mumbled, earning a nod and a polite smile from Nishinoya.

“Goodnight! I’ll text you,” he smiled shyly, and made Nishinoya’s peripherals explode with bright yellow globs of light. “Yeah! Yeah, Asahi, I’ll text you. I promise.” He grinned, obviously trying to reassure the awkward brunette. Their gazes hadn’t disconnected for god knows how long… And Asahi nodded.

“Okay,” he replied softly, coughing a little and trying to figure out a way to say goodbye in a friendly way. He ended up holding his hand back-down, obviously signaling that he wanted a… _High-five_. Yuu tried his hardest not to laugh, not wanting to scare Asahi back into his shell. Once the brunette had left the room, Nishinoya practically melted against the bar. Holy shit. Had he just experienced a god? Asahi certainly looked the part, his t-shirt revealing his toned arms and the faint outline of his body. He was so hot… Unfairly hot, and obviously unaware of his hotness. And that made him even _hotter_! Was Nishinoya dreaming? He’d have to share this with Ryuu, and _fuck_ , he should have taken _pictures_ … As Yuu settled back into a bar chair, he knew that he wouldn’t be thinking about anyone except for Asahi for a long, long time. Those eyes, that body, that laugh, were things that he certainly couldn’t forget, let alone anytime soon. Still, though, Yuu considered himself blessed. He was ready for the roller coaster ride that was a high school crush all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im deAD this chapter took so LONG (aka like three hrs) but now im HOOKED!!! I love the idea of synesthete!Noya !!!! esapecially bc i have synesthesia and i dont have to look up some weird hard to understand shit on the INTERNET!!!!! there are a lot of kinds, and noya has grapheme-color synthesia and sound-to-color synesthesia! I have a couple other types and theyre lit n basically i just thought i was crazy for like two years bc who else gives letters and colors and numbers and tastes personalities lmao,, ANYWAYS THANKS AS ALWAYS FOR READING!!! I'm planning a kurooi artist auSOON probably either late tonight or early tomorrow!!!


	3. Sleep, Silence, and the Scaredy-Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which asahi rethinks his love life and his anxiety pulls him down

Once Asahi reached the car, he climbed in and slumped against the back car seat.  Suddenly, it didn't matter that there wasn't enough room for his huge, bulky body in the back seat, nor did it matter that Daichi and Sugwara were giving him a matching and knowing smirk.  The brunette smiled a little bit weakly and exhaled, obviously in some sort of relaxed and dreamy state of mind.  He had a feeling that he'd jut met someone terribly special.  

"So?"  Sugawara smiled, "who was that just now?"  And Asahi lit up like a Christmas tree, his eyes widening slightly and his broad shoulders rising and falling softly, weakly.  "Noya," he replied, and bit his lip a little at the name.  Even the sounds of the name seemed electric, all letters sharp and winding against his tongue, and All Asahi wanted was to let his hand wrap around Nishinoya's own again, and lord, he was daydreaming... 

"Noya, huh?"  Daichi chimed in, fingers wrapped around the steering wheel and head turned to face his friend.  "He seems pretty important, huh?"  And Asahi sort of crashed out of embarassment.  Important?  The brunette barely knew him, there was no way that he was _important_...  He looked back up to Daichi with a quizzical expression swimming in his eyes, his own head cocking to the side.  

"Important?  I barely know him..."  And Sugawara was quick to jump in and defend his boyfriend.  That was one of the things that Asahi loathed about talking to Daichi and Sugawara as a couple.  They always seemed to act as one person, catching the other's slip-ups.  It made him sag a little.

"Well, I think he means...  Special!  You don't ever meet anyone and feel so comfortable with them so quickly!"  Asahi frowned a little, thinking back to how he had acted.  Yes, he was quite uncomfortable around the smaller man at first, just like he always was with other people...  But he'd warmed up to him a little bit quicker than usual.  At first, it had been out of courtesy.  He wanted that soda, he wanted to go find his friends, but gradually...  The negotiations leaned towards Nishinoya's favor.  But after he'd gotten comfortable seeing Nishinoya react positively to his behavior, wait for him to find the right words, and never stop smiling at him, he'd gotten a little bit...  Confident?  Yeah.  Noya made him feel dizzy, but not in the anxious and nauseous way...  in the warm and fuzzy way.  He was just comforting, not a crush.

"He was just...  Nice, I think," Asahi offered up a shy smile to his friends, hoping that they'd stop bothering him about it and just drive home.  He sighed in relief as Daichi did just what he'd been hoping for; he pulled away from the curb of the now nearly silent house and drove off towards home.

 

Asahi was terribly glad to be back in their apartment, for two reasons especially.  One, his overly parent-like friends had been sharing smiles like they knew something that Asahi didn't.  This could either mean that they were planning on getting intimate tonight, or they felt like they knew something that was going on with Asahi that the brunette didn't necessarily know himself.  It made something twist in his gut.  Two, the party was horribly exhausting.  Dancing clumsily and smiling at NIshinoya the entire time had seemed to  leave him as nothing more than a wiped and nervous mess on the floor.  Asahi shuffled into his dark bedroom, his eyes fluttering with exhaustion as he kicked his shoes off and began to undress.  Slowly, Asahi made his way into the shower, knowing that Sugawara and Daichi would be in together later.  The brunette washed his body and his hair, stepping out soon and wrapping a towel around his hips.  Somehow, as Asahi got dressed in a big shirt and a pair of boxers, he couldnt get the thought of Nishinoya Yuu to quit hounding him.  The buzzing man was only...  An acquaintance.  Right?  Nishinoya hadn't been in Asahi's brain for any longer than five hours...  They couldn't even be friends yet.  Besides.  Yuu would quickly realize that he didn't want to be associated with the tall, anxious man, and Asahi would accept it when the text never came.  He would hear that tiny little murmur of self doubt whisper "I told you so," so why should he hold out any hope for any sort of friendship to bloom?  That was fine...  It was fine, it would be fine, and it always had been fine.  He'd always seemed to be the second choice.  He was too guarded, too quiet, too awkward...  And the brunette got it.  He understood.  Why pick a quiet, anxious man over a man like...  Noya?  Someone sweet, and easygoing, and good with advice and probably even kids..  Noya probably already had someone that he wanted to be with, but then, why did it matter to Asahi?  Nishinoya Yuu was only an acquaintance.  Asahi had to get that crammed into his head so well that it was stuc for good, because there was no way that Asahi would be falling in love with that boy who made his head spin and his body feel light...  No way at all.

 

Sleep came gradually for Asahi, and the brunette was filled with shame at the realization that his head was filled with electricity and big hazel eyes that traced his every move and watched him with a sort of intelligent happiness that swam and gurgled just below their surface.  When he woke up in a cold sweat, his body lurching forward with a start and his eyes opening up wide, the man could only flop backwards and groan.  He pressed his palms against his closed eyes, trying to rub away the remaining static hiding and buzzing behind his forehead.  Asahi didn't know what to do.  These watercolor dreams had to be a phase...  There was no reason for Asahi to let those beautiful pinks, oranges, and yellows take him over.  

He stumbled out of bed and groaned, slipping on a pair of loose sweatpants and making his way into the kitchen,  The smell of cooking food and strong coffee greeted him at the doorway, and the tall, disheveled brunette sat down at the table, beside Daichi.  

"Good morning," came a quiet mumble from an equally exhausted looking young man, this one drinking black coffee and reading the news on his phone.  What a fatherly thing to do... Asahi returned the sleepy greeting, and looked up at Sugawara, who grinned at him.  He offered a drained smile.

Breakfast was served soon enough, and Asahi immediately picked up a fork and dug into the sunny side up eggs that Sugawara was so good at making.  Asahi was almost convinced that he'd bartered something with the devil for such a good life and amazing cooking skills...   

The morning drifted by with ease, and Asahi dressed himself in a plain white shirt and pair of blue jeans for his job, working at, obviously, a floral shop.  He figured that it was a good decision for him since he was so feminine, and arranging and growing flowers was something that he loved to do.  

The brunette arrived at the shop, stepping out of the back of the Mini Cooper and stretching his long legs.  Asahi waved off his friends, heading into the little shop.  He pulled on is green apron and walked behind the counter, unpackaging a bundle of bright yellow daffodils that make him think of a certain electric man...  And his lips tilted up just a little.  Yeah...  He wanted to be friends.  

 

A couple hours later, after most of the women had come in for work, Asahi was able to relax, finally on lunch break.  The brunette walked out into the courtyard, carrying his paper bag lunch and sitting down at a wooden picnic table, the sunlight warming his skin as he pulled out his phone.  His eyes lit up at the text message from an unknown number...  It had come in around an hour ago.  "Hey!  It's Noya!!  I promised I'd text you, right??"  And the brunette laughed just a little.  It was such a...  /Noya/ text.  

"Hello," he replied, hitting send before he could rethink.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was seriously just a filler chapter that i am very far from proud of,,, i didnt meet my word goal ugrgh


	4. Lunch Break and Texting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Huh kdndndbd so sorry about the hiatus

     Oh, good lord.  What had he done?  He'd replied right away, which was a huge no-no.  He did not think before he spoke, which was also a bad sign.  Was Nishinoya infecting his brain?!  Probably.  What reckless behavior, to neglect all thought before sending a text, and...   _Bzzt._ Oh.  Another text?  He was pulled out of the anxiety soup swirling around in his brain.  

     "WHOAH!!  You replied back??!  Who woulda thought that a god like u would spend time texting me?"  What?  What did that mean?  Was it an insult?  Was it a compliment?  Was it both?!  Was that possible?!  He sighed and groaned, shaking his head as he thought on what to type.  

     "I'm not sure whether or not that's an insult."  He shook his head and deleted that.  Too whiny.  

     "I don't know about that, haha.  How are you?"  He thought for a moment.  It seemed casual, and a little empathetic...okay.  He would do it.  Soon.  Probably.  He took three bites of his sandwich and chewed each fifteen times, while taking ten second intervals between each said bite, before sending the text.  Would that seem too soon?  It felt like forever to him, anyways.  Nishinoya replied immediately, which freaked him out to no end.  How could someone want to talk to him so much?  How could someone be so free about said talking?  Was he...overthinking?  No way.  He was just being organized and careful.  

     Asahi read the text.  "Yaas you are a goddd +_+ n im gooood, since I get to talk to u ;9 wyd"

     He had never seen such word vomit in his life, and still, when he was finally able to decipher it, his face went a brilliant shade of red. How was he supposed to deal with this...?  He thought for a little while.  Was Nishinoya just that friendless?  Did he want to be friends with Asahi that much?  He had never wanted to be friends with anyone that badly.  

     "Oh, gosh, thank you..haha.  I am on lunch break right now!  What about you?"  The brunette sent the message, palms getting sweaty as he wiped them on his jeans.  He cracked each of his knuckles and stared apprehensively at his cell phone, terrified as to what his reply would be.  What if he said something wrong?  He checked his message over and over again. It seemed too...clingy.  Did Nishinoya think it was too clingy? Did he think about that at all?  What did he think about anyways..?  Probably food, Asahi decided.  Yes, that seemed about right.  Nishinoya seemed like a good type of person.  The thought made his worried frown turn into a lopsided little smile, quickly covered by a sweaty hand.  

     "Lol just woke up...workin @ a club tonite!!! u shud come, ill pour u free sodass :999"

     Okay...that was sort of cute.  He hated the fact that the word cute came to mind, but it was cute!  What could he say?  He shook his head quickly, returning both hands to the keyboard to tap out a response...except now he had to think about going to that club.  It was Saturday, and that club was sure to be jam packed with people.  He shuddered at the thought, but then remembered Nishinoya.  He remembered them dancing and laughing, and Asahi loosening up in Nishinoya's company.  Okay, so maybe that would make the night a little bit bearable.  

     "I'll think about it.  My shift ends at four."  He sent he texted, smiling slightly at the thought of another night with his almost sort of friendly acquaintance.  

     "Ooh ok!!wat do u work as?i bet u...work at a shelter!!!orr mayb a gardenerrr lol"

     How did Nishinoya know?  "Actually, I'm a florist, sort of. :)" he thought that the smiley face was a warm touch, wondering if it seemed to weird or motherly...ugh.  How much longer did he have to endure this bittersweet hell?  He wished they were together in person...oh no.  He did?  Since when was that something he wanted?  Since when was it fair for someone to barge into his life and make him a little bit okay with human face to face interaction?!  Nishinoya should be put into jail for this, he decided.  

     "hahahaha lol true.pretty boys gotta work w pretty flowers, i guess...wanna hang out after workk?  :000"

     That was way too straightforward.  Really?  He wanted to actually truly honestly see him today?  Did Asahi look alright?  He supposed so.  But the general idea made him want to puke.  In excitement and fear.  He didn't like making new friends...but he sent a text back.

     "Yes, that might be fun :) where would you like to go?"  What was he doing with himself?  He sent it and looked away, sure that he couldn't just reject his texting partner.  

     "Holyyyyshiiit u agreeeed,,,..ok!  meet me at the cafe downtown at five.if ur feelin up to it ill take u up to tha clubb lol partayy"

 

     Oh good lord.  What had he done..?  Thankfully said cafe was only a few doors down from his workplace, but this sounded like an incredibly long night, lacking desperately his favorite part of the day: recharging and reading alone in his room.  But maybe...maybe it would be fun.  He thought of this fleetingly, and upon the realization that it was one of his thoughts, he blushed.  Since when was he some sort of outgoing party animal? Since Nishinoya had crashed into his life like a rock through a window, of course.

     "Sounds good."  He wrote, turning off his phone after reading the reply about how excited Nishinoya was to see him again.  Maybe this really was good for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the wait


	5. Undeserving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It begins. //TW for a panic attack and vomiting

As the day wore on, Asahi found himself less and less able to work.  He was shaky, and sweaty, and his stomach felt like it was punching him from the inside out.  All he could think about was this party, and how he was more and more afraid of attending it.  All he could think about was ruining this reputation with Nishinoya.  By the end of his shift, his shaky thumbs were texting out some automatic excuse as to why he couldn't go.  Great...now he could add "Flake" to his many titles.  He hit send, barely caring to read what he had written, and shaking his head.  

No, no.  He wouldn't hurt Nishinoya.  He would block him out before he wanted to be friends, and he would...well, he wouldn't pity himself.  He'd get over it and tell himself that it was for the best, because it was.  Because it  _had_ to be.  He took a deep breath and stared at a bush, counting the flowers, counting the petals, counting the leaves.  His chest rose, and fell, and rose, and fell.  

Asahi was knocked out of his stupor by a honk, head whipping up to stare right at Sugawara.  His happy friend, with a happy relationship and a nice boyfriend. He knew he didn't deserve that.  Knew he shouldn't be happy.  He was a flake, and a coward, and an idiot, and all he was good for was hurting people.  He climbed into the back of the car, feeling a lot more crushed than he remembered.  His phone buzzed in his pocket, causing him to wince.

"awww, that's ok!!!dont worry abt it :9 ill miss u tonite."

His heart dropped.  He reminded himself that this was for the best. Nishinoya would forget about him, he probably had plenty of friends already.  His guts churned and he stared at the roof of the car, gulping hard at the lump in his throat.  He blinked once, twice, before the car stopped.  He thanked the two for the ride and stepped out, shuffling into the house and up the stairs.

As soon as the brunette was alone, his head filled up like an aquarium.  He locked his door and covered his mouth, the sound of his friends chattering happily downstairs wafting in.  He couldn't have that, he didn't deserve it.  He couldn't tell them, because they would baby him over it.  He didn't deserve anything more than to be pushed around by his thoughts.  They were only the truth.

As the brunette slid down the wall, his eyes shut tightly.  He heard everything he'd ever heard about himself and more, swimming through his head lazily until the words piled up and poured out of his eyes in heavy globs.  He was sobbing and shaking, and the mere thought of Nishinoya made him feel sicker.  So he thought of him more.  It hurt, and he deserved it, so he thought of how badly he'd hurt his electric soul.  How he would make him cry, how he would make him never want to see him again.  He felt his lunch crawling up his throat, and he clutched for his trash can and wretched into it.  His body shook and perspired, and he gulped down choking, raggedy breaths, coughing on his vomit.  

He should never have let this happen.  He shouldn't have danced with Nishinoya, shouldn't have even talked to him.  Nishinoya probably hated him.  He let out a gross sob, and let his shoulders jump as he dry heaved into the trash can.  

 

As his body body settled down, relaxing into a low, self-loathing thrum, he stared into the ceiling.  His face was smeared with vomit and snot and tears, chest heaving softly.  He felt disgusting, voices fading into murmurs.  God...what had he done?  He had to shake this fascination with Noya, for both of them.  He didn't deserve to use someone, and that someone didn't deserve to be used.  He stood up to wash his face and change his trash bag.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow gd,,so like? I probably rushed into the bad part of the anxiety? But yes it's not just "I'm a shy pure baby who loves depending on people unhealthily" he has episodes where he hates himself :^(


	6. Bartending Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so ....so so sorry.....anyways I've slipped back into bad anxiety so I'll be able to write for Asahi better. Anyways this one is rly short but I wanted to get something out to get myself rolling again. I wrote this on my phone godd...

Nishinoya was deflated.  he had been _so_  excited!!  To think...he could have spent the night hanging out with the beautiful and perfect and sweet Asahi Azumane.  Ohh!  He was  _so_ close, and then...

 "Hey, have to cook tonight for my roommates.  Sorry."  Somehow that struck at him funny.  The excited raspberry swirls floating around his vision melted into dark purple splotches.  He was disappointed, lips pouting as he typed out a quick, careless response.  Maybe he would...shit.  What would he do now?  Nishinoya tucked his phone into his pocket.  He had an hour before the party to mess around.  maybe he would find out where Asahi worked.  the brunette had said in their texts that the cafe was close to Asahi's workplace, so he did a little bit of searching on some digital map website, finding the Florist shop and looking at the website.  He wondered what kind of flowers were Asahi's favorite...and he contemplated buying him some.  And then he thought to ask, but wondered if he should save it for being in person, or maybe Asahi would talk on the phone.  He saw pink stars swirling up his vision, the warm feeling in his toes flooding him and making him grin at the thought of that big awkward hot guy in an apron, cooking and talking to him smoothly on the phone.  He really was clueless.

But he wanted to call, and so call he did.  One ring, two rings, three rings, and...  "I'm sorry.  The person that you are trying to reach has forwarded your call to automatic voice messaging system.  Please leave your message after the tone."  And a shy, shaky little voice came on, tinny through the phone but earthy without the party music playing behind it.  His vision erupted in bright curly-qs at the very first syllable.  "Hello, this is...Asahi Azumane.  Truthfully, I am very bad at phone calls.  please leave a message, and I apologize for not answering."  He ended with a quiet sigh and A soft little click, and Nishinoya started talking at the beep.  

"Hey, Asahi!  Sorry about your thing with phone calls.  Uh, I kinda wanted to reschedule. I really wanna see you!  Sorry if I'm sounding like a little kid, but I already miss you."  He laughed, little pink triangles faintly dancing in the corners of his vision.  "Weird, right?  But seriously, come hang out with me!  Just text me a time and a place, and I'll be there.  Bye!"  As he hung up the phone, he wasn't aware of the fact that Asahi was coming down from a panic attack.  He didn't even know what those entailed.  

Whatever.  He was goigg to have fun tonight, with Asahi or without.  Nishinoya shucked on some sweatpants and a black tank top, taking it into the pants.  He styled his hair, and pulled on his shoes and socks.  He was so ready to have fun, even though he would miss Asahi being there.  

As Nishinoya contacted an Uber, he couldn't help but see the soft little puffs of pink drift past his vision.  He felt dreamy, like he was back in high school drooling over a cute girl, or secretly, a cute boy.  He thought about how Asahi's cooking would taste.  How awesome would it be to show up over there, and eat Asahi's food, and see him in a cute apron?  He found himself smiling at the thought, before orange splotches popped at him at the noise of a car horn.  Oh.

Yuu climbed into his Uber, apologizing and laughing a little bit.  No big deal, just a little bit of embarrassment.  He pulled out his phone and pulled up the texts he had with Asahi, looking through them and smiling into his palm.  Ahh, how nice it was to have something like a crush.  He wondered what Asahi was cooking.  He'd ask later, he decided.  No need to seem too eager, right?

\---

Soon enough, his Uber rolled up to the club, and he stepped out.  The brunette paid and tipped his driver, before bouncing right into the scene.  He was so ready for this.  

Yuu weaved his way into the building.  He checked in and got himself settled at the bar, sitting back and waiting as a few sober or tipsy partygoers meandered over.  He set out his tip jar smoothly, and flashed a grin at the first couple to show up and ask for a drink.  "What can I get for you two?"  He asked, and listened intently as they asked for some boujie drinks he had only ever made once or twice.  "Coming right up."  

\---

By the time that his second hour rolled around, Nishinoya felt like dying.  He was so _bored_ without Asahi!  He wondered how he ever survived these types of jobs without him.  He pulled out his phone, to find...nothing.  God damn it.  

"omgggg.....im sooo boooorrreeeedddd.....are u SURE u cant come 2nite.....:'(((" he hit send, slumping dramatically back against the wall and staring out at the crowd.  How was he going to do this until two??  Why was he even _booked_  for so late?!

This was going to be a long night, he thought, especially when he recied a pitiful text that read: "Ah, yes...I'm very sorry."

 _Ugh_.  He would just have to take it upon himself to reschedule, then.  He texted back something flirty about doing so, and then sat back to brace himself for another long night.  


End file.
